I'm Just Say'n: Lizard Repellent
June 2009 44 TrucKers News June 2009 44 TrucKers News Dear Carolyn, I have been driving over the road for many years and have tried out many ideas for dealing with lot lizards (both male and female). Here are some of my observations. Doesn't work Sayingno.Theydon'tbelieveyou. Theoldwayofwettingapapertowelandthrowingit down beside the door as if you have already done the deed.There'stoomuchlitteraroundthesedaystono-ticeapapertowel. Yelling, using profanity, slamming the door in their face.Theyjustwaitafewminutesandcomerightback. Themoreyouyell,themorethey thinkit'sforeplay. Does work Take their photo with your cell phone and tell them you'll give thepicturestothecops.Wordwill spread around, and you'll be left alone. Install a video camera on the truck and ask them to maketheirsalespitchintothecamera. Jed Dear Jed, I'm sorry I edited out the part about greet-ing the lot lizard with a machete in hand. That probably works but could get you in more trouble than you are looking for. Plus, read-ersmightthinkyouare serious when I know you were just kidding. Right? Thanks for setting us straightontheoldpaper toweltrick.Thatoneal-ways seemed too good to be true. I'mjustsay'n. Dear Carolyn Here'smyno-faillotlizardrepellent.Buythebiggestbra youcanfindandhangitoutsidethewindow.Thatsays, I got my own good loving going on here. My wife boughtitforme,andit'salwaysworkedlikeacharm. Ibreastmycase! Brian Brian, Simple ideas always work best. A bra a day keeps the lizards away. Nice. I'mjustsay'n. Dear Carolyn, Whyareyoumakingsuchabigdeal about this? I'm a single guy, and it gets lonely on the road. What's wrong with a little lot-lizarding now and then? Frank Dear Frank, CanyouspellSTDs?AIDS?Youriskrobbery,arrest,peni-cillinshotsandswineflu.(Ithrewintheflupartjustto trytoscareyoustraight.) Askanicegirltogoseeamoviewithyouifyouare lonely.LookupyouroldgirlfriendonFacebook.Letyour momfixyouupwiththedaughterofhernewminister. Whateverittakes,doit.Justdon'tdothat. I'mjustsay'n. Dear Carolyn, Istillcan'tbelievemyhusbandgotsolicitedbyalizard, andIwasstandingrightnexttohim!WhenhetoldherI washiswife,shesaid, Sorry,Ichargeextraforthat! We had to laugh because there wasn't anything else to do. Nancy Dear Nancy, MycoffeespewedoutmynostrilswhenIreadthatone! Thanksforthelaugh!Seriously,inthisbusiness,asense ofhumorcankeepyousane. I'mjustsay'n. Lizard Repellent readers give tips for keeping lot lizards at bay June 2009 44 TrucKers News I'm jusT say'N carolyn magner Carolyn Magner is not a professional thera-pist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. E-mail Carolyn at . Visit Carolyn's I'm Just Say'n blog for daily love and relationship advice: askcarolyntn09.blogspot.com I'm just say'n S imple ideaS alwayS work beSt A brA A dAy keeps the lizArds AwAy .