Dear Gab
GAB
Dear Gab, My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He is a long distance truck driver that enjoys fishing and bowling in his free time. Plus he’s handy around the house and loves his Sunday afternoons falling asleep in front of the TV (“watching” whatever sporting event happens to be on). At least that’s how he used to be. But he’s changing and I’m more than a little worried. Recently he received a package wrapped in a plain brown envelope. Intrigued (maybe a little “pick me up” for a flagging sex life), I decided to sneak a peek. Instead of a naughty magazine or DVD, I was surprised (and, admittedly, a little disappointed) to find a strange elasticized foundation garment. It was, in fact, a male girdle, apparently known as a “mirdle”. I was stunned. And when we went out for dinner last night he ordered wine instead of beer, and even insisted on tasting it first. He’s as loving as ever, perhaps even more demonstrative than usual, but just not himself. What happened to the scruffy, macho trucker man I married? Signed , Missing My Macho Man Dear Missing, Your husband has been infected with a disease known as “metro-sexuality” which has become epidemic among heterosexual men, especially in urban areas where there is a good selection of spas and fitness centers. This is a progressive illness and it would be well that you prepare yourself for what’s coming. It begins with seemingly benign symptoms. He may, for example, sign up for cooking lessons, compliment your outfits or offer an unsolicited opinion about the wallpaper you’re considering for the dining room. He may seem uncharacteristically aware of the color of his socks. Little by little the afflicted male will begin to develop
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RPMfortruckers.com
Dear
By Alissa Singer
unusual grooming habits. Thus, the man who used to only occasionally remember to tuck in his shirt will be constantly checking himself out from various angles in the mirror. He will use multiple hair products – at the same time and count calories. Soon he will be exfoliating and perusing issues of GQ and Details magazines. After spending hours agonizing over whether wax, laser or depilatories are best to remove
September • 2010