Mentor Musings
MENTOR
Musings
by Dan Baker
The Blame Game
here’s the story about Mary O’Donnell, who goes up to Father O’Grady, her priest, at church on Sunday morning and says, “Father O’Grady, a terrible thing has happened.” And Father O’Grady says, “Mary, do tell me what has happened.” And Mary says, “Father O’Grady, my husband, John passed away last night.” And Father O’Grady says, “Oh, Mary, I am so very sorry. Did he leave any final words?” And Mary says, “Yes, Father O’Grady, he did have some final words.” And Father O’Grady says, “Well, Mary, what were his final words?” And Mary says, “His final words were, ‘Mary, put down that gun.’” It amazes me how many of us, like Mary, don’t see our own hand in our own pain. Again and again, we insist on blaming others for what we’ve brought on ourselves. “It all started when he hit me back!” Remember that childhood refrain? Where does blame come from? From our fear of punishment? From our need to be right? To look good? You know, when you blame your problems onto someone else, you’re putting your happiness into their hands. And now, you can’t be happy until they change. Well, are they going to change? If you’re married or have teenagers, you already know the answer to that question. And so you’ve put your happiness into their hands and they’re not going to change, and now you’re in a box. You are the victim of your own blame. It happens all the time to almost everybody. Now why am I talking about the problem of blame to a bunch of truckers? Well, from where I sit, I think that what we blame on others says a lot more about us than it does
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the people we’re blaming it on. For example, why do we talk about driver turnover as if it’s a driver problem? Is it? Well, in some instances, I am sure it is. But why do some companies have very low driver turnover and others very high driver turnover? Is it because the low turnover company has a bunch of great drivers and the high turnover company has a bunch of bums for drivers? One of the great lessons from the older generations is that if you’ve got a problem, first of all, go look in the mirror. The solution is probably there, because that’s where it started. Our internal decisions are often the major cause of our external problems. That’s the old guy’s way of looking at things. He will tell you that high turnover points to a problem with us, and not with the drivers. The younger generations will tend to look for the cause in the symptoms, and try to fix the symptoms rather than the internal decision that caused them. (Driver turnover is a symptom.) So they get all involved in thinking it’s the trucks, or the technology, or the system or the processes. And often, they are right about diagnosing the problem itself. But they’re not right about what causes turnover. Turnover is caused by a basic flaw in our ability to take a close look at our internal gyroscope, and to come to terms with our own commitment to serve the driver. You don’t spank a kid for doing something you told him he could do. So, the blame game will go on forever, but the wise people from all the generations will see that almost all of our challenges in this new age will be best dealt with in front of the mirror. Shakespeare once said, “The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.” Be good to yourself.
August • 2010